You may have a friend, relative, or neighbor who is being abused. You may have witnessed the violence, heard it, seen physical signs of it, or merely suspected it for various reasons. What should you do?

1. Ask direct questions, gently. Give her ample opportunity to talk. Don't rush into providing solutions.
2. Listen without judging. Abused women often believe their abusers' negative messages. They feel responsible, ashamed, and inadequate, and they are afraid they will be judged.
3. Let her know that you support and care about her, that she is not responsible for the violence, and that only the abuser can stop the violence.
4. Let her know it is likely that, in spite of his promises, the violence will continue and probably will escalate.
5. Emphasize that, when she is ready, she can make a choice to leave the relationship, and that help is available.
6. Provide her with information about local resources: the phone number of the local domestic violence hotline, support groups, counseling, shelter programs, and legal advocacy services.
7. She may need financial assistance, or help finding a place to live or a place to store her belongings. She may need assistance to escape. Decide if you feel comfortable helping out in these ways.
8. Contact your local domestic violence program yourself for advice or guidance.
9. Explain that physical violence in a relationship is never acceptable, at any time. There is no excuse for it -- not alcohol or drugs, not financial pressures, not depression, not jealousy.
10. Make sure she knows that she's not alone -- that millions of American women from every ethnic, racial , and socioeconomic group suffer from abuse, and that many women find it difficult to leave.
11. Also explain that domestic violence is a crime -- as much of a crime as robbery or rape -- and that she can seek protection from the justice system.
12. If she has children, reinforce her concern for them, letting her know that domestic violence is damaging to children. If fact, you may want to reach out to support her children, and let them know you're there for them too.
13. If she is planning to leave, remind her to take important papers with her, such as birth certificates, passports, health insurance documents, etc.
14. If she remains in the relationship, continue to be her friend while at the same time firmly communicating to her that she does not deserve to be in this violent situation.
15. If you see or hear an assault in progress, call the police. But because these assaults are often dangerous, do not physically intervene.

Reprinted from "You Can Make A Difference!" The Family Violence Prevention Fund 383 Rhode Island Street, Suite 304 San Francisco CA 94103-5133 Phone: (415) 252-8900 Fax: (415) 252-8991

www.tndagc.com

District Attorney General's Office Courts Building 600 Market Street, Suite 310 Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone: (423) 209-7400

www.hamiltontn.gov